Race days are among my favorite days of the year! A chance to wake up early, do your best, connect with others, be exhausted, have an excuse to nap, feel accomplished, eat guilt-free, feel bad-ass. August 11th was no exception; it was an awesome day!
My morning started with my seven year old crawling into bed at 3:15am as she often does. I had two alarm clocks ready to go off at 4 a.m. but was already thinking about the race ahead when she nudged me. Of course, I barely slept, spending hours somewhere between dreaming and visualizing my race, putting much confidence into the training that I've done over the last three months.
Might as well get going as sleep was not likely with all the butterflies in my tummy. Excited and ready, but still nervous. Kissed my kids and husband thinking how peaceful and beautiful they all are. And how lucky I am to have them.
The drive out to Pleasant Prairie was easy and fast. I kept thinking what crazy people must be on the road at 4 a.m. When I saw the oval white stickers or bike racks on the back of their cars, I knew they were crazy like me, heading to the triathlon.
Athleta Iron Girl is exciting. It is an all female race and they put on a terrific event. There was fog off the water and gorgeous colors in the sky. The water was smooth (thank God!) and the temperature was perfect. Again I thought of how lucky I am to be here, healthy enough to race, cancer free. And I thought about my Dad, whose birthday is August 11th, and how much I miss him.
I saw a few teammates and coaches in transition. Their friendly smiles were a terrific welcome. Got set-up and organized. Overpacked my transition bag and made a mental note to only bring the essentials next race. Walking to the swim start I felt calm, really calm, calmer than I ever am.
I've come a long way in a year completing two surgeries (inplants in, uterus/ovaries out), finished up Herceptin IVs, ran a half-marathon, and embraced a general feeling that I am "done with cancer". Please God, let me be done.
My mantra for the day was BREATHE. Just breathe. Take your time. Enjoy it. I focused so much the previous year on getting to the finish line, being fast, looking like I knew what I was doing. This year was so much better. I took time to feel present and enjoy the journey. I smiled and cheered for others. I was as excited to see my teammates and other women finish as I was for myself. This year I had nothing to prove. Just a day to be grateful. For so much.
The women of Team Phoenix did amazing. I saw so many Athletes on the course and did my best to encourage each of them. And I heard many "Go Team Phoenix" when I came around a corner or passed spectators. It was so wonderful to see the support of the Team Phoenix family...our coaches, doctors, physical therapists, families, partners, volunteers, alumni and sponsors. It was a terrific day to be part of this group. So thankful that a few strong women had the courage and vision to get this started so many cancer survivors could feel strong.
My race was not as perfect as I had visualized it earlier that morning. I, of course, wanted a PR and PR bragging rights. I did do the race in a shorter amount of time and felt pretty good about sharing that news. But the timing chip and performance stats wasn't what it was all about me for me this year. This year it was about appreciating how far I've come, how grateful, brave, resilient maybe, I have become. I am still not perfect and know that I will never be. My stats on an excel spreadsheet, with year over year performance and variance, does exist. But what I feel best about is that I feel better on the inside. Stronger, braver, and grateful.
Last year, Sally Edwards spoke with Team Phoenix, and shared some inspiring words before the event. The phrase that I remember most is "do this race forever". I hope to do this race forever. Or long enough to do it with my daughter. Or my grandkids.
